Hello, my lovely blogites. It seems you are among the few recognizable lifeforms left on my computer — my computer whom I now love, hate, and mostly mourn. I had the most terrible “accident” — or maybe it was an act of God — the sort of biblical God who goes around punishing people for being too proud or too successful, eating from the Tree of Knowledge or something.
The good stuff:
It has been an amazing week, and I wanted to share it with you. The book is doing fantastically well. (Here comes the boasty part, but I don’t have to worry about being struck down by lighting because it’s already struck.) The sales rank on Amazon.com hovered between 1,000 and 2,000 for a week or two. That’s out of ALL books. I mean, all the books in the world. (They’re all for sale on Amazon, right?) Including Tolstoy and, I don’t know, Daniel Dennett and Malcolm Gladwell and… And (get this) this week The Biology of Desire got up to #13 in sales of ALL books on Amazon.ca (I’m Canadian — that’s got to count). Move over Margaret Atwood (just kidding, God. Joking…) And it was #1 in substance abuse AND neuroscience on Amazon.ca. It’s # 82 today — still in the top 100 for all books. And, okay, it’s now #2 in neuroscience. But still. AND it was selected as a best book of the month.
The tour:
The week started in New York City: three days of radio interviews. They mostly went just fine, which is one of the main reasons why the book is selling well. By the last one, NPR New York, I was on a roll. Many interviews started off with questions like “Why do you say addiction is not a disease?” There were times I felt like saying and even times when I did say “Whyever would you think it is a disease?” But mostly I behaved well and answered the questions sensibly. It was an experience: going over my own reasoning time and time again, thoroughly convincing myself that I was right.
After a quick visit to California to see family, I ended up in Vancouver. 
Russell Maynard is the person actively running the Portland Hotel Society, the group that established the famous INSITE supervised injection site in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. That and quite a few residences for the impoverished and fragile community of addicts who call these few square blocks their home. Russell took me to many of their facilities. I watched people shooting up without shame or fear….and I met a lot of caring and dedicated young people who help to make sure they stay safe. I’ll share my impressions of that strange tour in another day or two. I’ve never seen anything like it.
The bad stuff:
That evening, my computer had an out-of-body experience. Unfortunately it never came back. All my meticulously saved and organized files within folders within folders within folders — hundreds or thousands of articles on addiction and such, many drafts of things I’ve written or partly written, a huge collection of Firefox bookmarks, the couple of dozen passwords I’ve saved — all gone. Except for the 10% of stuff (luckily including most talks) that I backed up on Dropbox.
The guy at the data recovery store here in Toronto (I arrived on Wednesday) said he’d never seen this particular disappearing act before. But luckily, as he wrote me the next day, most of my data had been recovered. I eagerly got to the store and opened my computer, went to the folder named “Recovered Data,” and indeed there were hundreds, maybe thousands of files there. They all had names like PDF-00162.PDF or D00148.doc. Well, these seemed not very useful, but I would deal. Except that most of the files had bits of text or weird graphics or they just refused to open. My pdf files had degenerated from the latest findings in the neuroscience of addiction to stuff like this.
Have you ever seen these images? Some came with Russian or Chinese text. It was sort of like being laughed at by a coterie of drunken computer deities. Here’s your information bud: don’t lose it this time. Hah hah!
I keep thinking, the book is out, I don’t really have to keep most of this stuff…maybe it’s time to find a cave in the Himalayas and take some time off. Other times I just feel incredibly pissed off. Or stupid. Or…maybe slightly relieved.
But today is Saturday: no interviews or anything else for a couple of days. That’s a good thing. I’ll wait until Monday before I worry about what’s next.
Informed by unparalleled neuroscientific insight and written with his usual flare, Marc Lewis’s The Biology of Desire effectively refutes the medical view of addiction as a brain disease. A bracing and informative corrective to the muddle that now characterizes public and professional discourse on this topic.” —Gabor Maté, M.D., author of In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters With Addiction
So sorry to hear of your data demolition. I had that happen once with a computer still under warranty and the guy’s explanation was something like, “Well, hard drives are mechanical parts, and some wear out faster than others.” Thanks for the 411, buddy. I still felt like someone kicked me in the crotch, and a vague desperation to find something that wasn’t there. What does THAT sound like?
This on an 8 month old computer still under warranty? I guess this is just one of the new vicissitudes of modern existence. Maybe this applies to one of those Buddhist lojong slogans. “Using adversity as a way to wake up.” and that everything is impermanent.
On an “enjoy the ride” note, people have unsolicitedly recommended your book in my meetings. Sometimes somebody’s problem resonates with one of the stories, I refer them to the chapter, and they find it heartening and helpful.
Thank you so much for the work you do.
I’m really getting the “everything is impermanent” thing. It’s crystal clear. So can we just move on?
Good to hear that people are aware of the book. Thanks for that. Was it Superman who said “my work here is done”? Visions of grandiosity help keep reality at bay.
We can move on, just remember to back up
Marc, you crack me up! You think and write (stupid shit not your books) like I do. Scarey. Too bad we didn’t hook up in the late sixties . We could have been running partners. I had a Mob connection ,I used to get dope uncut, cheap. That is until he got busted and I went to Daytop.
Be well my friend, Jim Maguire
Condolences and congratulations!
My brain child, 11 month – 2.5 week old MacBook, went dim last week. Cupertino will be refurb-turning it to me Monday. Going digitally cold turkey was far too painful so I spent my last few pennies of life savings on a Nextbook at Walmart with the full intent on returning it. But I kind of have grown flond of the darn little thing now?!
That is great news that your little time has and is doing so well commercially. I certainly hope that means the world of professional addiction research is moving forward into the light of science!
Time=Tome
Let’s hope so. Cold turkey is exactly what it is. So you got another device for the withdrawal symptoms and it turned into Maintenance? I’ve heard that story before.
Marc,
Love the above clever wit!
I’ve just finished watching a 45 minute presentation by you on YouTube re: “Memiors of an addicted brain”
Fascinating, informative and helpful to one who is still struggling after 35 years.
So I thought I would check on your website and blog.
Elaine
Sometimes you have to laugh so as not to cry. Welcome to the blog! Lots of concerned insightful people here, ie, collective wisdom. Hopefully more helpfulness on the way. I’m tapping this on my iPhone. My new friend.
Marc, my condolences on your loss. If yours is a typical grief process, I’m guessing over time recurring lost files will surface into memory and retrigger empty/queasy all over again. One way to think of it might be God operating in mysterious ways to continue to grow your brain and heart WAY beyond baseline.
Last week I crafted an Enchanted Loom review for my own blog readers (http://www.slideshare.net/markbrady9279/the-enchanted-loom-reviews-marc-lewiss-book-the-biology-of-desire). As I was teasing threads to include from the book, the thought occurred, “This might be one of the most important books on neuroscience I’ve read in the last 5 years!” Mostly, I think, because you’re a neuroscientist writing about addiction … from the inside out. It’s kind of like the way Jill Bolte Taylor writes and talks about stroke. I’ve already bought additional copies and distributed them to friends and family. Next month, here on Whidbey Island in Washington, we’re starting a neuroscience reading group using The Biology of Desire as our inaugural book. Thank you for your work, so clearly intended to help reduce suffering in the world.
Thanks so much, Mark. I saw your website and that page in particular a while back. Now it has the honour of being one of the only bookmarks in my collection — a big fish in a small pond. Nice to think of you guys discussing my book. Seriously. Enchanting.
And yes, those particles of remembered loss keep floating to the surface. But if this is some cosmic lesson plan, it’s not working so well. Hard to meditate for even 10 minutes when all you’re aware of are publication date and titles of once-upstanding pdf files.
P.S. Just yesterday, my own brand new Dell laptop’s hard drive died. Could it be a pox on The House of Neuroscience?
But since you have an IQ above room temperature, you probably backed it up.
Marc, Perhaps there’s a lesson in your mishap regarding the addiction/withdrawal process? Eventually you’ll look back and say, how did I deal with that? and extract something for the work. Or not…? Maybe it just is what it is with no higher meaning. For the future I’d recommend something like Clickfree, an external hard drive on which I back up my computer every couple of weeks. And, congrats on your book success!
Thanks, Denise. I did buy an external harddrive at the data retrieval place. The only problem is there’s nothing much to back up now.
But yes, there is a lesson in this. About moving on and such. I HATE this sort of lesson…but I suppose that’s the point.
Hi Marc, am very happy that the book tour is going so well, and I am curious about the computer crash. Conspiracy theories leave me cold, bit is it possible that this was not an accident.? Your success is bringing you enemies, the law of human nature. Think about it.
Am very much looking forward to reconnecting with you when you return home. A thought, why do journalists open with question on the disease of addiction?
Because they are not addiction specialists, as you are and as 12-step success stories are, in different ways of course, and as I am, lol, and that is the accepted and much promoted status of the phenomenone.
And the fact is, in my humble opinion, it is easier to repeat the serenity prayer every morning and go to meetings than it is finding immediate satisfaction with mindfulness meditation, breaking the feedback loop and finding sources of dopamine in the brain.
All my love ,
Brett
HI Brett. What a sweet message. Yes, we’ll reconnect soon. Meanwhile, journalists start out with that question based on the name of the book. Nothing more exalted or mysterious. The serenity prayer….I could try that. The trouble is that I don’t quite know the difference between what I can and can’t accomplish.
Sounds like your computer took an OD of ExLax. Or maybe Dr V sent an
Afghan hit squad to silence your baloney so she tell us how sick our brains are- or used to be.
Oh well , remember the good old days when we wrote with pencil and paper
Glad to hear the book is doing well
If so, she got to me too late. The printing press (or whatever they use now) beat her to the punch.
Ugh! The articles!!! Let me know if you ever need anything from my huge cache of dissertation literature. I’m more than happy to share files (although there is probably more about cigarettes and nicotine in there than you would probably care to know).
Thanks. Now I’m wondering: why bother downloading all those articles anyway. Surely links are a more efficient way to keep track of things…
Dear Marc, I recently was introduced to your work by a past client who was thrilled to see science (you) confirm what Choose Again has taught for decades: addiction is not a disease. I also noted that you have a connection with Gabor Mate. Gabor has invited me to co-facilitate a workshop on “Beyond Addiction” in Vancouver in January 2016. I would love to meet with you when i am in Holland August 28-September 7. Possible? In gratitude, Diederik
Hi Diederik. I got your email this morning but didn’t reply yet. Very unfortunate timing. I’ll be in Australia on exactly those dates. Not back to Holland until Sept. 8. Unless the Aussie immigration dept refuses me a visa based on my convictions from 35 years ago. I had to get finger-printed last week. Another joyful moment.
Anyway, good to “meet” — I’m fond of Gabor too. Some day we’ll be in the same place at the same time.
Please give us all plenty of advance notice when you and Gabor will be in the same room at the same time! I will be there too!
Wonderful opportunity for moving forward RE: The Computer Devil. That happened to my sister once; a prolific writer, storyteller and sharer of words. Everything GONE. So, she started again. And the new stuff, without referring to the old stuff, was marvelous!
Carry On!
As always, I so enjoy re/visiting your blog and all its wonderful contributions. And, congrats on the Amazon etc. ranking: absolutely well deserved!
The comments here about 12 step programs really resonated for me. I actually attended a 12 step meeting last night, my 2nd one ever, and after many years of trying the first one (which didn’t feel resonant for me on many levels). While I got a lot out of the meeting, I started thinking about limitations, interpretations of the principles etc. For example, this notion of asking your G-d to remove your so-called defects of character. Maybe I’m taking it too literally. But, when I read what you wrote: “The trouble is that I don’t quite know the difference between what I can and can’t accomplish,” it felt so fitting. Maybe I’ll revisit some prior posts on this as I recall there were some great entries (per usual).
Oh, and with regards to the computer “passing,” I can’t help but wonder if it’s paid its proverbial dues. It seems the success of your book and your impact has, and will continue to be “mark/ed” accordingly 😉 Might it be time to just enjoy the fruits of your labour (and love)?
Sending gratitude to you and all contributors,
Jasmine